EMOTIONAL MATURITY, EXCUSES, AND BEACH VBALL

LIFE OF A BOOKMAN

Bookman: 1. a person who has a love of books and especially of reading. 2. a person who is involved in the writing, publishing, or selling of books. Oh, hi that's me!!

Reading approximately zero: I've had another few weeks of a book bust. I haven't been reading!! But I did get to crash a book club who had just read Daisy – and by crash I mean I was invited. And as someone who's never been in a book club, I was so touched by amazing women coming together over their love of reading...and having such interesting questions about my book that made me think, made me laugh, and made me want to do it all over again!

Oh wait, I'm just remembering that I binge-listened to Joe Dispenza's book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself if that gives you any indication of where I'm at lol.

What I'm Writing: I've been pretty deep in my journal writing these last few weeks...which a) I've been wanting to do more of this year and I got a gorgeous Louisa Carmen notebook the last time I was in Paris to help my motivation (it's working!!!). b) Handwriting is so good for us...for our feelings...our memory...our subconscious. One of my favorite parts of writing Daisy was getting to hold, feel, read her journals and letters.

And then I had this really interesting thought...I have so many people I LOVE, but I can't picture their handwriting. It makes my whole body tense up as if I'm forgetting their face – how can I love someone so much but I can't “see” or “know” their handwriting. Ah!!!

WOMEN’S STUDIES

What gets passed down becomes our history.

The Diplomats – But More importantly, this profile on Kerry Russell I missed the Felicity window by just a few years, but I am dialed IN on The Diplomat, a political thriller on Netflix in its 3rd season. The thing I love most about it is it's dynamo lead character who rumbles with the reality of power within a power-couple marriage. And Kerry Russell. Who is playing said character. This profile on her in the New Yorker is such a long-read treat...into who she is behind the camera. How she came up in this business. And the perfectly imperfect opinions she has on the whole thing.

What Emotional Maturity Really Looks Like. This piece by Vienna Pharon is a beautiful roadmap for seeing what emotional maturity looks like and what gets in the way. I fancy myself an emotionally mature person, but if I get scared enough, the protective parts of me show up (and she is righteous and decisive) to cover for the young parts of me (that cry and overthink bc she just want love and prioritization!!). Emotional maturity sure is an exercise, in every friction point in our life, and let's just say the last two weeks have been a gymnasium of emotional maturity drills...not sure I got it right in the moment, but I sure tried, and I definitely learned. This piece was sure helpful.

The Publishing Industry has a Betting Problem. Ooof, don't get me started on my frustrations with how the system of publishing is set up to be a self-perpetuating cycle of risk aversion – one that doesn't serve writers, readers or literature long term. This is a super interesting (and long) read that validated many of my experiences that last 5 years. The hot take in this author's piece was darker than my own feelings, but interesting nonetheless: about how the big game of big publishing operates more like casino driven by risky bets on bestsellers than it does a nurturer of literature, new authors, and that art that the public wants to read.

You're Getting Screentime Wrong. If you've ever totally beat yourself up over your screentime (hi, me) or if you're obsessed with tracking it (also, hi former me), then you should probably read this piece in the Atlantic. It'll do a lot to remove the pressure that you have anything to do with it, and it'll illuminate where your finger should actually be pointing. Ahem.

Other stray links: I loved this new episode by Sarah Baldwin on how to find what your whole self is trying to tell you. And OMG this great real talk from Tressie McMilan Cottom on the “male loneliness epidemic”. I bought these glasses that I wore in a recent photoshoot and hope I look cool not posing in my kitchen?? Also I was so into House of Dynamite on Netflix, what a movie!, but that ending…

PASS IT ON

Stories are heirlooms. Here's one of mine: Do you ever have something you WANT to do, but when you get to doing it your body stops you with excuses? Before I returned to San Francisco (I'm back!! More on that in future letters.) I knew it was important to me to get into regularly playing beach volleyball. I fell in love with beach, as many of you know, while living in Rio for a few months. And having played indoor in college, beach is just such a different, fun challenge involving the sport I've spent most of my life playing. Beach is so physical. And you get to be outdoors!! Anyways, I found a group out here that runs clinics and game play every Sunday at Ocean Beach. And I was AMPED to jump in. Then, as the day approached, I wanted to not jump in. To jump away in fact!! My mind told me to “push to next week” – Because I didn't know anyone. Because I didn't know it all worked. Because I didn't know exactly where to show up. Because I didn't know what level I was. Because riding my vespa would be too cold. Because I didn't know if the people were cool. Because I wasn't sure if it was for me. When I started observing these thoughts I almost had to laugh at how ridiculous it was...just because I was doing something sorta new.

Well, I went to that Sunday beach vball meetup. And I was awkward at first. And I had to ask a stranger if I was in the right place. And I had to learn to set up a beach net which I'd never done before. And I had to ask people their names again because I forgot to listen the first time. And I had to hope I levelled my skill right. There were plenty of friction points, AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

So, if your brain and body are trying to pull you back into “safety” by pushing off something you want to do, push back. Show up even when your excuses to not show up sound valid.

Because...nothing changes if nothing changes.

Woman on xx