Upsides Of Feeling Fried

Totally fried.
Shot out.
Nothing left to give.
Running on empty.
What's the point?
Do I have to?
I don't even know anymore.

This is the soundtrack of busy-induced burnout. I was here once, but I'm not here right now.
But gosh do I have a lot going on. Like big life changes, really major projects, holy a lot. But I'm not that busy because I refuse to be.

Instead, I'm in pursuit of an artist's life. I'm demanding of empty space in my days, and I don’t feel bad about it. The last thing I want on the planet is to look at my schedule and see a consecutive arrangement of finely stacked color blocks that symbolize the minutiae of my commitments. I don't need a calendar to tell me what to do. A calendar is meant to serve me…I don’t serve my calendar. I want to meet the new day where I'm at, and then (mostly) decide.

Once upon a time in a previous version of myself, I didn't have time to breathe, much less pee. I was sick more times in six months than I'd been in six years. The pace of my day was dictated by other people, and I just couldn't get a dang break for longer than a holiday weekend if I tried. Misery set in so deep it felt like entrapment, because not only could I not imagine a graceful way out...creativity, my sacred barometer of a life well lived, felt like a distant memory.

So I did what I do not recommend and pulled the rip-chord. World events made the decision I'd already wanted to make a little bit easier...and a little bit harder.

To get beyond working from a place of nothing to give, we have to work through the feelings: What am I worth if not for what I create? Is my addiction to being busy working for me or undermining me? What's the value of time? What's the cost of money?

The pendulum will always swing from knowing these answers and not knowing them. But it’s worth trying to figure them out. When you’re completely fried, your system is asking for a different way. It’s asking for reflection. It’s asking for something to shift and change. Listen, and find the upsides of trusting yourself. Incremental changes can cause seismic shifts in how you feel.

Woman on xx