The beauty of being unsure

You can be confident and hesitant. Focused and questioning. Bold and doubtful. Committed without a hint of knowing. Being certaindoesn’t, and I’d argue shouldn’t, have to be a defining quality in those that do big things, those that live their purpose, people who dare to put their heart on the line. You can do the extraordinary while clutching doubt.

When I look back on my best decisions, ones that opened up a path lined with a thousand unexpected blossoms…I was anything but sure. I made a decision, yes, but not without doubt, questions, and hesitation. Beautifully unsure has been a gift, often a test and mostly rewarding in all the right ways. 

Here’s the thing about people we admire…they have big questions but they do it anyways. They’re ready and willing to let the future unfold…unfold into something wonderful…or unfold into some lessons learned. They live their life from a place of: I don’t know, but I’m going to do it anyways. I’ll figure it out. Because I only get one life and I’m not going to spend it doing nothing, scared of what might or might not happen. 

Unsure doesn’t have to mean indecisive. The last year of my life was characterized by decisions with no guarantee, with little confidence they were anything other than a pursuit of a creative and open-hearted life. Investing in writing fiction about a woman of incredible, historical consequence…unsure. Why sharpen a skill on a farm team when you can just hop into the World Series ya know?

Buying a house and moving across the country and not knowing a soul…sure sure sure. But ya know what? I promised myself I’d figure it out.

Backing away from many of the paths I’d taken in pursuit of something different, something creative, something personally sustainable.

There have been frustrations and doubts and setbacks…and there’s been joy. So much joy. And a sense of power and strength that never would have come from staying where I was, doing what I was doing.

You, too, have the power to figure it out. You have every bit the ability and courage to be completely unsure and still move forward. To create something new, say the things, set the boundaries, change yourself, transform your life. Because you can change your mind. Because you can backtrack. Because you can cope with any fallout. Because you can recreate. Because you can and will get a redo. It’s called waking up the next day. Your choice is as available as anyone else to be a different choice if you didn’t like the one you previously made. 

Will doing it differently the next time cost you? Sure. Sometimes it’ll cost you people’s approval. Sometimes it’ll cost you money. Sometimes it’ll cost you tears and heaviness and heartbreak. But here’s what redirection won’t cost you: yourself. 

Let it all be a little messy. Let the future unfold. Let your questions be bigger than your comfort. But go for it anyways, unsure and all.