MANOSPHERE, GIRLBOSS, AND LYING BY OMISSION

LIFE OF A BOOKMAN

Bookman: 1. a person who has a love of books and especially of reading. 2. a person who is involved in the writing, publishing, or selling of books. Oh, hi that's me!!

I won't say this twice: I Who Have Never Known Men by Belgian psychoanalyst Jacqueline Harpman is, perhaps, one of the best books I've ever read. It is so complicated, so unexpectedly beautiful (because it's so dark on the surface), so staggering...I truly don't have words. So I'll use someone else's to give you the gist: dystopian fiction by Belgian psychoanalyst Jacqueline Harpman, following a group of women who escape an underground cage only to find themselves alone in a barren, inexplicable world — narrated by the youngest among them, it explores what remains of humanity when everything has been stripped away. I cannot stop thinking about this book, even when I'm not trying to think about it. The narrator doesn't even have a name and yet i feel like she is me, she is us, she is something. I honestly have no idea if other people, if you, will like this book. But truly, one of the most amazing books, even though it is quite slight (my favorite!!), that I have ever read. Also, the type of book that ONLY a psychoanalyst could have written, because while the premise is woah it's the interiors that get you.

What I've been writing: I've been writing a lot about why...when we know what to say, we still can't say it? It's been something I've been exploring and taking notes one and researching for a while. A question I've been trying to understand (especially as someone's whose sole work it to help women say the thing.) Well, recently I experienced the really fun thing about this creative life of mine, maybe my favorite thing, which is the phenomena of all at once. A little bit of idea here....a little bit of research there...a little bit of looking at the questions there...some writing...a little big of more questions to more women...and then over the last week it all came together, it poured out, and 32 pages later, a premise for the big question is on the page: why can't I just F*ing say it???

WOMEN’S STUDIES

What gets passed down becomes our history.

Single Female Homebuyers Aren't a Trend. The median age for a first-time homebuyer is 40. Single women outpace single men in home buying by a rate of 2 to 1. This is wild to me!! But also I'm part of this trend. I bought my home at age 33, which is not far off from that median age. I loved this piece in The Purse, to see where my own lived experience fits into this very real economic trend, and also just the general path to homeownership, which is getting harder and harder by the day for anyone other than the mega-wealthy or dual incomes.

Is the GirlBoss Making a Comeback? I built my career in the GirlBoss era. My book published in the GirlBoss era. I worked with the companies that helped build the GirlBoss era. And then the “girl boss” was turned on us, so that we would turn on ourselves. This piece did a really great job of looking at the time, what happened, and where all the Girl Bosses have gone (read: they're right here).

The Human Skill That Eludes AI. Loved what Jasmine Sun had to say here about how good writing, great writing, still eludes AI. Over the weekend I was talking with two friends, who are big readers, about that AI quiz I shared with you last week, and how AI writing was SO obvious to me. Which I don't say as some badge of valor, just that its....clear?? Like I can explain it (but this piece by Jasmine expains it way better) but really it's more a feeling. You can listen to her talk about this piece on Hard Fork.

Sorry, But the Manosphere is the Gayest Thing on the Internet. This one got sent to me by a friend who knew I'd love it. And I did. I've been a long-time reader of Liz Plank's work, but until this article showed up in my Whatsapp, I didn't realize how long it's been since I'd read her writing!! Well, this one was a joy, about a topic that is NOT joyful at all: the manosphere, esp with the Netflix documentary that came out which spurred this piece: “Misogyny is the brand. But the product, if you look closely, is male longing. And no amount of OnlyFans models or blowjob videos or sigma grindset content is going to fill that gap. Only men being honest with each other could do that. Which is, coincidentally, exactly what they think is gay.“ I somehow in space-time followed this article with this episode about Peak Male Beauty, and the next thing I know, I'm at the gym judging which men are probably looksmaxxers. Oops.

Other stray ones: I love love love this Odacite tinted mineral moisturizer (and I think I've tried them all?). Why are belts so hard to buy, but I think I finally found one at Zara. Also not one to talk about laundry but I bought the Dirty Labs Enzyme booster and wow really digging it more than I thought I would!

PASS IT ON

Stories are heirlooms. Here's one of mine:

I was recently asked “How did you become a ghostwriter?”

So I told her what I've told others. That my very amazing literary agent called me one day in 2018 right after You're Not Lost came out. She asked to throw my name in the hat for a client who needed a ghostwriter. I was hesitant at first (because I was on book tour, because I had my own books dreams). But then I mapped it against my mission: to make sure women's stories don't go untold.

So I said yes!! Not thinking it would lead to anything. Definitely not thinking it would lead me into the next phase of my career.

But I also realized in this telling, that I was omitting something!! That actually wasn't when I started ghostwriting. (weird??!!)

Eight years prior I wrote a self published book for two small business owners who had quiet the story to tell.

Why did I default to omitting that?? I didn't even realize I had done it. And the answer is probably because I never figured out where the story fit. I didn't get paid to do it. I didn't know what I was doing. It was self published on Amazon before that was really a thing.

And since then, my entire career has been oriented around traditional publishing with major imprints. Splashy book deals. Six-figure advances. And so I didn't “count it”.

But I see now what a miss that is, not just for myself but for women looking to learn how to get into ghostwriting. If I hadn't done that first book, I probably wouldn't have thrown my hat in the ring knowing I had done it before, I'd written someone else's book. Which means I wouldn't have gotten the deal. And I wouldn't have become a WSJ bestseller.

I don't recommend doing work for no pay, ftr. But I do think we have to start things, just effing do things, in order to get started at a new step in our craft (or the craft altogether!). However that looks. Whatever that looks. And then own that part of the story, which is actually the most interesting part.

So no, I did't start ghostwriting in 2018. I just looked at the very first email I sent about that ghostwriting gig, the one with zero dollars, but so many lessons learned (and so many memories)....June 2010 baby!!! We're going on SIXTEEN years of this work.

What a ride. Woman on xx