It's not your problem

How many problems do you make your problem? Because helloooo, you’re strong and powerful and resourceful and smart and able and…You can save them the pain of learning it the hard way. You can fix this. You can get them to the realization quicker. If they’d just listen to you it’d all get better. You can helpppppp.

You can if they want it. You can if they ask for it. You can if they come to you asking for what you know or have. But you can’t solve, or fix, or help, or save them…for them. They have to do that work. It’s not yours to do. And you’ll make yourself sick and sad and frustrated and all the things because you kept trying and trying and trying to give until the situation fixed itself. But it won’t. Because they have to do what they need to do.

And you know what you need? To back off.
And you know what else you need? To take all that energy that you were giving and give it to yourself.

Make yourself strong. Look after your number one. Have your own back. And watch what blossoms for absolutely everyone around you when you do. But most especially what blossoms for you.

Yes, you can probably already imagine that yours truly might, sorta have been through this rodeo a few times. See, I learned a wild thing about myself earlier this year (because ha! Surprise, surprise Max there’s always more to learn!) and that’s that I. am. a. solver. Truly, who knew!? Not me. Until recently. For the people I love I will do it for them. Just let me handle it. I will make the spreadsheets. I will rework the proposals. I will find the exact doctors and make the appointment for the issue they didn’t even know they had. I will always go way too far. The way I got to this lesson was not fun, and I definitely wouldn’t want to repeat thatagain. But the way I got to the moment of understanding the lesson, I’d recreate a million times over (glass of wine, a best girlfriend, warm night, take me back).

I’m doing a lot of coming back to my own needs these days. My health. My wants. My outlook. My problems. I’m choosing myself and letting other people choose themselves. We all have to choose ourselves if we want our relationships to thrive. Our families to blossom. Our friendships to flourish. Our love to last. Otherwise we’re guaranteed spirals of resentment and struggle and depletion.

So maybe look where you’re spending all your time and energy solving problems that are not your own. Instead, give yourself that power. Solve yours. And if there’s no big problems? Well, that doesn’t need to keep you from keeping to yourself. Love on you. Delight in you. Bliss out on you. And everyone else? Well, they’ll get their sh*t together eventually. Or not. But that’s not your problem.