Is It Even Helping?Aug 17, 2023
I have this thing I do which is super not helpful.
I try and help.
If you spend more than 4 minutes in a conversation with me…and somewhere in that 4 minutes you mention a problem you’re facing…I will in that same 4 minutes mention a book, a pod, a supplement, a study, a quote, a recipe, an exercise my friend’s therapist recommended for something similar, a thing I bought once, an INSERT SOMETHING “that could help.”
It’s annoying. Very annoying…even to me.
<All my friends and family members can stop nodding in agreement. I see you, OK.>
Anyways, I know I do it. I’ve known for years that I do it. Sometimes I actively try to not do it. But it sorta feels like why would I not if maybe, just maybe, it could help??? I’m not trying to control anyone...I’m just trying to support!
Well. I got my answer recently when I was listening to a podcast episode that encouraged anyone listening to just…listen. To not try and solve or strategize for someone. To not provide your well-intentioned considerations. To just…let them.
That’s it. That’s all. Let them. Let them do it their way. Let them feel what they need to feel (even if that’s TMJ and my god I have the best mouth guard lab for that, which is 10% of the price of a dentist!!!) Say nothing. Just let them. Let them take the long way. Let them get rained on. Let them sort a solution to their own anxiety. Or their workouts. Or their itchy armpits.
So, I’ve been trying. I’ve been entering conversations differently. With a different mindset. I can just…LET THEM…unless someone asks me specifically for my experience or suggestions. In which case I’ll happily respond.
And you know what? It’s so relaxing!!!! It’s really wonderful to not feel responsible for leading a horse to water. They’re thirsty. They’ll get there. Or they’ll ask me directions eventually. But until then, I can LET THEM…and let me off the hook in the meantime.
So. if you find yourself trying to control how people around you are doing things. If you’re stressed out by your own need to help people solve their own shit. If you’re hypervigilant and over strategizing for everyone you come into conversation with.
Stop. You do you. And let them…do them.
It’s beautifully relaxing once you get there.
Woman on xx
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