Feeling fried has an upside

Burned out.
Totally fried.
Shot out.
Nothing left to give.
Running on empty.
What’s the point.
Do I have to.
I don’t even know anymore.

This is the soundtrack of busy-induced burnout. I was here once, but I’m not here right now.

I’m not that busy. My schedule is not jam packed. I’m not back to back. And I’m definitely not just trying to stay above water.

But gosh do I have a lot going on. Like big life changes, really major projects, holy a lot. But I’m not that busy and I’m not just saying that.

Instead, I’m boundary’d. I’m in pursuit of an artist’s life. I’m demanding of white space. And the last thing I want on the planet is to look at my schedule and see a consecutive arrangement of finely stacked color blocks that symbolize the minutia of my commitments. I don’t need a calendar to tell me what to do. I want to meet the new day where I’m at, and then (mostly) decide.

Once upon a time not that long ago I didn’t have time to breathe, much less pee. I was sick more times in six months that I’d been in six years. The pace of my day was dictated by other people and I just couldn’t get a fucking break for longer than a holiday weekend if I tried. Misery set in so deep it felt like entrapment, because not only could I not imagine a graceful way out…creativity, my sacred barometer of a life well lived, felt like a distant memory.

So I did what I do (not recommended) and pulled the rip-chord. A pandemic made the decision I’d already wanted to make a little bit easier, and a little bit harder. The months between that decision and today have been a meandering of sorts. I’ve had moments with too little on my plate, too few comittments, too much time on my hands that I had to work through the feelings: What am I worth if not for what I create? What’s the value of time? What’s cost of money?

And so it went until I landed where we always do: in balance. The pendulum swang from overly busy, to overly not, to a completely new awareness.

I created answers for myself. I created boundaries. I created days that I delight in. And I came back from burnout one creativity-centering choice at a time.

If you’re feeling fried, take a moment to examine it – what do the motions of your day need to value more than they currently do? And how can you create a boundary that subtracts the stress getting in the way and adds the rest that contributes to said value?