99 Problems But You’re Not One

Lost is a feeling. It is not who you are. It does not define you. It’s not your identity. And it’s sure as hell not a reflection of your worth as a human. Is it a problem? Sure. But you are not your problems.

The sooner you peel away all the layers of what you think you need to change before you’re ready to follow your gut, the sooner you’ll step into an unobstructed awareness of where you’re supposed to be. Peel and shed. Peel and shed. Your path forward will become clearer as you explore and unapologetically accept who you are at your core (according to you and only you). This return to yourself is so deeply tied to where you’re headed.

A few years ago, a young woman asked me what my single best piece of career advice is. Only one? Yes, she said. And only my best? Yes, she said again.

At first I gave her a wide-eyed look that said, I don’t think I can distill it all down to just one. And then as quickly as I wanted to give up on making a single choice, the answer pushed its way forth from the deepest chambers of my heart.

Ahhhhh, I know it, I said. Because I felt it.

“Work every damn day to be the highest possible expression of yourself,” I told her.

Because when you do, you’ll attract all the right people and opportunities to your path in ways that didn’t previously seem possible. Being exactly who you are is a powerful energy force. It’s a sincerity that people can feel and see, and it opens up the doors to the next step more quickly.

So much of continuing to forge the right path and find the direction that feels so core and true to you is acknowledging the truth of who you are and not letting anyone squash it. No matter how much that expression fits into what other people think you should be or do. You are not to blame for being lost. And you are most definitely not at fault for your feelings of less than because you haven’t found your way (yet). There are no fingers to point here. There’s only celebration for who you are, as you are.

What do I mean by the “highest possible expression of yourself”? Everything. The way you express yourself is literally everything, from the hobbies you enjoy, the skills you’re interested in, and the opinions you have to the hair you keep and the emotions you feel. It’s honoring and loving and, most important, expressing what you really feel, are, and desire.

If you want to dye your hair purple and shave half of it off, do it. If you want to begin a company that no one understands, do it. If you’ve got thoughts on the future of the world that no one agrees with, say ’em and create them. If people think you’re too this or too that, eff ’em. Holding onto all those things that flare you up and feel so right is you asking to be recognized from within.

The highest expression of yourself is doing what you want to do how you want to do it—and being as wildly you as possible while you do.

Seven-year-old me dancing naked in front of my floor-to-ceiling bay windows on the second story for all my little neighbor friends to see (because I was clearly feeling myself and just didn’t give a damn) is the wildly expressed self I’m always trying to come back to. Not because I’m a now closeted exhibitionist, but because the essence of that little girl was one that was so highly expressed and unashamed about it.

That person is there in all of us. She hasn’t gone away. The young, wildly expressed woman is in there; you just have to let her take the reins. She’s your key to feeling amazing in your skin. She’s key to feeling unapologetic about your choices. To using your voice in the big moments and the little ones. She’s key to pursuing the next step even when you’re worried and unsure, and to continuing to do that in the face of doubt, criticism, and uncertainty. You’ll see that you never were the problem. And the sooner you believe that (by identifying all of the negative sources and cultural messages that led you there), the easier it’ll be to move forward.

This is an excerpt from my book You’re Not Lost. If you’re feeling this, you’ll definitely be feeling my book. Read it for yourself or for someone you love!

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